Ruth Desjardins The light
I know there is no time and no need for worry.
There never was. It only seemed that way.
My life is mine–each moment a bead of time to sparkle in a string, like gems. My own.
My moments, my life, my time to treasure, to guard, to have.
I wonder now why it all seemed so hard,
And I remember–the people. I was so frightened.
Afraid of them. I thought they could hurt me. And now, here, in this moment, I know the truth.
They never could, never did, never touched me.
It was my secret. I had forgotten it myself. I had always hidden something away.
It was mine alone. And no one ever noticed. No one saw.
I held it safe inside my soul, my mind, my heart.
A precious, glowing flame of purity and beauty that was all my own. They never saw it. But I did.
I guarded it fiercely and kept it safe. Nothing ever touched it. Because no one ever knew it was there but me.
And now I know that no one can ever destroy it.
I can make it as small as I need, to hide it from the cruelty of people.
And they can do whatever they want, but my light, my flame, my soul will survive…
always there, always ready to flare again into the golden glory of living, of being free, good, proud, safe, and alive!
And I know I must take the time now to let that flame grow.
I must learn the courage to face and trust safety, and to let go of the fear that I have used to guard myself from pain.
I must find the courage to accept the truth–
that there is a certain part that can never be hurt.
And I know I must coax it to flare now, to let it grow, to encompass me,
to flow outward from me….to rise, to spread, to surround me, to become me.
I must become that light, that fire.
I must feel it always–live in it and through it.
To know there is no need to hide it because no one can destroy it.
And no pain can penetrate it.
Let it grow now. Let it burn away all the fear, the ugliness, and the pain.
Let it erase all but itself.
I know it will take time, but already I feel the serenity, and the glory, and the wonder of my own soul.
And I think of stepping forward–
to meet the challenges–without the need of effort or courage, but with a warm eagerness and a youthful trust that life will be good now…
because I have no need to fear it.
1979
