Ruth Desjardins Fear
I hide behind a loser’s game,
It lets me feel control;
Though it betrays my honesty,
And it can steal my soul;
For while the game protects my fear,
It coaxes fear to grow.
Fear is a destroyer
Killing hope and trust,
Trampling over tenderness,
Crumbling dreams to dust.
Fear is raging fire
Burning to the ground–
Every dream of happiness,
Every hope I’ve found.
Fear is roaring thunder
Quaking through my soul,
Shaking all my confidence,
Unmasking every role.
Fear is choking silence.
I feel my tongue go dry.
I stand in screaming emptiness
Too afraid to try.
What kind of living death is this?
Afraid life will betray–
Afraid to reach for what I want,
Afraid to even say
How terribly afraid I am
Afraid….Afraid……Afraid!
Fear is death within the soul,
The end of every dream,
The sickening that spreads within
Like cancer’s silent scream.
Fear is raging monsters
Waiting to devour,
Threatening to pounce on hopes
Throughout life’s every hour.
Fear is soul-confining,
A prison cell with bars
That lock me far away from life,
That keep me from the stars.
Fear is crushing boulders,
Descending on my head,
To crush the life within me
Till all but fear is dead.
And so today I face the worst,
My fear says that I’ll lose;
The odds are all against me,
But I know what I must choose.
And as I reach for happiness,
I’m frightened that I’ll lose.
My god! The world exploded!
My every hope was shattered!
As every fear was realized!
And every dream was scattered!
Ruth Desjardins
1979
